I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
