areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
