Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
