why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I die, sorry about rent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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