I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
