I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
