No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
