Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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