I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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