The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
