What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
