I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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