Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
