im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup