I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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