why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.