I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.