Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
