just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
