she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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