Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
