And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
