Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
