I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
