addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
