dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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