I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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