just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
