Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
