dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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