Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
