Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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