You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
