so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize