Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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