oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
