i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
