how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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