when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
