I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
