Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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