Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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