You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
