Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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