So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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