you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
