I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
