I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
