HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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