i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
