I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god it's open bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
