got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
