No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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