Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
