we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
