Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
