He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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