Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
