My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
