You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
