From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
