shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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