you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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