my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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