So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
