good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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