my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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