i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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