I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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