yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize