i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
