He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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