Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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