i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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