he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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