i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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